Jeanette is the award-winning writer and author of 12 books, with two more books on the way.
For many older adults, pets are family — even when caring for them becomes difficult
Fact checked by Ros Lederman
For the past two years, I’ve been getting frantic calls from my in-laws at least once a month.
I answer the phone to my stepmother-in-law pleading, “Can you please come get Murphy?”
Murphy is the Irish terrier the family never wanted my in-laws to get. They bought her from a breeder, sight unseen, eight years ago, when my stepmother-in-law was recovering from heart valve replacement surgery and my father-in-law, then 78, was dealing with back pain and other health issues.
They’ve only gotten older and frailer, and Murphy, well, Murphy remains 50 pounds of jumping love. She stopped getting regular walks a year ago after my in-laws’ dog walker quit following a fight that Murphy picked with a neighbor’s dog. Now, Murphy only goes for walks when either my sister-in-law or I is caring for her. We want to release some of her energy before we bring her to our own homes.
Our caregiving situation is not uncommon, says Carie Broeker, co-founder and executive director of Peace of Mind Dog Rescue in California’s central coast. The rescue not only advocates for senior dogs that need homes, but also helps seniors care for their dogs as long as they can. “People don’t recognize their abilities or what their abilities could become as they get older,” Broeker says.
Yet pets offer so many benefits, says Erin Emery-Tiburcio, PhD, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and geriatric medicine. She also co-directs the Center for Excellence in Aging at Rush University Medical Center. “Pets can be beneficial in helping older adults with cognitive performance and reducing loneliness, but you have to consider your functional status.”
In my in-laws’ case, my stepmother-in-law has very serious health issues that have landed her in the hospital at least six times in the past year. She doesn’t have the energy to take Murphy out four times a day, so my father-in-law has been taking her. He uses a walker but refuses to use the scooter his stepson bought for him. The situation leaves the rest of us with a great deal of worry.
“We can make our observations, and we can make our suggestions, but in most cases, people who still have their independence will make their own decisions,” Broeker says. “A lot of times people love animals, and they [may] want a dog who is not the right dog for them.”
My in-laws had always had Irish terriers, so they wouldn’t consider any other breed. They didn’t want a rescue dog, fearing unknown behavioral issues.
That’s a misconception some people have, Broeker says. “Any dog can have problems. Plenty of dogs from breeders have issues. That’s just false to say only rescued dogs have problems,” she says.
In contrast, animal rescue organizations have high success rates in pairing people with pets who better match their lifestyles. “Foster-based rescues are especially good because they have a lot of information on what a dog is like,” Broeker says.
With older adults, getting a dog that’s “8 to 10 years old is golden,” Broeker says. Older dogs have less energy, are more likely to know commands, and fit more easily into a new household.
Size is also important. “If there was an emergency, would you be able to pick this dog up?” Broeker says.
But if the dog is too small, that could be a tripping hazard. “Ten to 20 pounds is a really nice size for older [adults],” Broeker says.
Emery-Tiburcio recalls a patient who had multiple cancers and was frail, but [the patient] really wanted a dog. “A small dog might trip her, but a large dog had the potential to pull her down,” Emery-Tiburcio says. “We talked a lot of that through, and she chose a cat, which was much safer for her.”
Eventually, the woman’s daughter had to help her care for the cat, too. “But that was part of the decision, and the two of them talked about it,” Emery-Tiburcio says.
Not every older person has someone in their life who can help with pet care. Peace of Mind Dog Rescue offers a “Helping Paws” program in which volunteers walk dogs and provide care so older adults can enjoy living with their pets as long as possible.
Another option is high school students, who often complete required volunteer hours to graduate. And if the budget allows, hiring a dog walker can help.
One important thing to consider is that people see their pets as family members, Emery-Tiburcio says. “Saying you have to get rid of your pet is like saying you need to get rid of your kid.”
Consider the health and safety of both the older adult and the dog. “It is a balance,” Emery-Tiburcio says. “Sometimes, the adult child might not agree with the choices the older adult is making.”
In my in-laws’ case, though we warned my husband’s dad to use the scooter, he refused. And his story did not end as anyone hoped. One recent spring morning, he took Murphy out, and she pulled him down while going after a neighbor’s dog. He suffered a brain hemorrhage and died.
Since the accident, my sister-in-law has taken over Murphy’s care, though my husband and I have helped. This week, after working closely with an occupational therapist to learn to use the scooter, our stepmother-in-law will once again take custody of Murphy. She’s hired a dog walker and found a friend who will take turns walking her. We’ve also found a veterinarian who makes house calls, which we hope will help her better care for her dog.
She says she can’t wait for Murphy to come home.
